Pointless Box Canyon
by vinjhup
Summary: An incredibly random crossover between RvB and Frozen that doesn't make any sense because the RvB characters don't even show up in this fic. Honestly this is just a placeholder, I'm writing all of this on /r/frozen and this this'll just be used for anyone that wants to catch up. Rated M for language because...reasons.
1. Episode 1

**Episode 1: Meet the Red Team**

**Well here it is, Episode 1. If you're not in the fic right away don't be mad. There's like a lot of people I need to write in and I don't plan on killing anyone so...yeah... Expect another episode between five seconds from now and fifty years from now.**

The sun shone over the box canyon, illuminating both bases that lay on opposite ends of it. On one of these bases stood two soldiers, donned in slick armor that were different shades of red. looking out towards the endless sea of rocks and grass and dirt and...more rocks...and like one tree and a cave.

One of the soldiers, the one that wore reddish orange (or so he called it that) colored armor, sighed, "Hey Spacecati."

The other soldier, who wore maroon colored armor, replied, "Yeah?"

"You, uh...you ever wonder why we're here?"

Spacecati smirked, "Well that's one of life's greatest mysteries isn't it Morino? Why _are _we here? Is it because-"

"Alright I'm gonna stop you before you start off on your existential bullshit again. I meant why the hell are we up here? On top of the base. Where it's fucking hot."

Spacecati sighed, "Why do I put up with you?"

Morino pondered this for a second, "You know what, I actually don't know how to answer that. Why are we doing this anyway? Fighting the Blues, I mean."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well I mean, why are we fighting the Blues anyway? Like even if we win what does that get us? Two bases in a box canyon. Whoopdeefuckingdoo."

Spacecati opened his mouth to speak but he didn't exactly know how to answer that.

"Hey assholes! Get down here right now!"

Both soldiers looked down from their posts to see a beautiful red-haired woman, donned in bright red armor, staring at them with a stern expression on her face.

Morino groaned, "What is it now?!"

"Just...get down here!"

The privates begrudgingly walked down from the top of the base.

"What is it now, Sarge?" Morino asked.

"First of all, you will call me by my full name, private. It's Sergeant Anna. And second of all we just got two new soldiers relocated to our base and I want you to show them around."

Morino groaned once again, "Why us? Can't we just let them figure things out for themselves like we did?"

"Yeah sure, we've totally got everything figured out here." Spacecati mumbled.

"Hey! I resent that!"

"Oh please, it took you two months to find the bathroom in the base."

"Shut up, you."

"SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU!" Anna finally exclaimed.

Spacecati and Morino snapped back into, what they believed to be, formation and stared at their commanding officer.

Anna cleared her throat, "Now I want you both to follow me into the base right now before I forbid the both of you from actually _using _the bathroom for a whole year!"

Both soldiers groaned, "Yes, Sergeant Anna." they both said in unison.

Anna finally smiled, "Good! Now follow me."


	2. Episode 2

Episode 2: Meet The Reds Part 2

Yeah! Bet you didn't expect Episode 2 this fast, huh?! Anyway, let's just move on. I'm keeping these short for a reason by the way.

"Cupcakes?" Anna said.

"Umm...yes?" Private Cupcakes replied.

"Cupcakes." said Private Morino. It sounded more like a statement than it did a question.

"That's my name! Don't uh...don't wear it out." said Private Cupcakes, who was donned in, unfortunately for him, pink armor.

Private Spacecati put his face in his hands and mumbled, "You have gotta be kidding me." 

"Is there something wrong?"

"Of fucking course something's wrong! What kinda name is Private Cupcakes?!" exclaimed Morino.

"Well I mean that's what my last name is so..."

"Shut it, Morino! Before I have you running laps around this whole goddamn canyon." Sergeant Anna said.

Morino sighed, "Fine...at least it can't get any worse than Cupcakes. Alright then other new guy, what's your name?"

The other new recruit, who was donned in yellow armor, was startled, "Oh, um...it's uh...Bubbles."

All the soldiers minus Private Cupcakes who was looking down in embarassment, stared at Private Bubbles for an awkwardly long time until Morino calmly broke the silence.

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!"

Private Bubbles was startled at the outburst and stammered, "What...umm...no, I mean yes, I mean...maybe? What was the question again?"

Spacecati one again proceeded to bury his face in his palms, somehow burying it in harder than before, and let out a long and exasperated groan.

"I told you to shut it, Morino!" Anna crushed her eyes together and pinched the bridge of her nose as hard as she could before continuing.

"It...it doesn't matter what their names are, it matters how good of a soldier they are. Now, I told the both of you to show them around the base. Spacecati, you're with Private Cupcakes and Morino you're with Private..." Anna sighed, "Bubbles."

Spacecati finally released his head from his hands, "I'll get right on it, Sergeant Anna. Come on newbie, you're with me."

He gestured to Private Cupcakes who followed him less than eagerly.

"Kiss ass." Morino muttered as Spacecati walked past him.

"Shut up." he muttered back.

As they rounded a corner, Spacecati exclaimed to the new private, "Alright newbie, first things first I'm going to show you where the bathroom is."

"Oh, uh...I already know where that is." he replied.

"Oh good, then you're already better than Morino."

"I heard that!" Morino yelled.

"You were supposed to!" Spacecati yelled back.

"Private Morino, aren't you supposed to be doing something right now?" said Sergeant Anna.

He rolled his eyes at those words and gestured for Private Bubbles to follow him, "Follow me, newbie. I'll show you the wonderful sights of this amazing box canyon."

"Was that, uh...was that sarcasm?" Private Bubbles asked.

Morino looked back at the recruit and stared at him for a few seconds before once again rolling his eyes and groaning, "Fuck me, I bet the Blues don't have to put up with this shit."


	3. Episode 3

Episode 3: Meet The Blues

Alrighty, time to meet the Blue team! Glad to see you guys are enjoying this fic so far. This is actually a nice breath of fresh air from all the depressing shit I'm writing in The Monster. Anyway, at the rate this is going and looking at how short the episodes are I'm just gonna assume that this is gonna be one long fic.

Sergeant Elsa, decked out in beautiful blue armor with a platinum blonde braid draped over her shoulder, looked through the scope of her sniper rifle which was aimed at the Red Team's base. She could make out two figures, one in orange armor and one in yellow. They weren't really doing anything, just talking and walking around the base. Other than that she couldn't really see anyone else.

"Psst, Elsa. What are you looking at right now?"

Elsa tried to ignore the private behind her and continued to look through the scope of her rifle. The two soldiers had made their way around the base again and they continued to talk. Are they just gonna do that the whole time? Just walk around and talk about stuff? Seriously? 

"Elsaaaaaaaaa. What are you looking at right now?"

Elsa kept staring through her scope trying to find anything interesting at all that she could look at but she found nothing. Apart from the Red base all she could see was rocks, and grass, and dirt, and like one tree...

"Elsaaaaaaaa..."

And more rocks...and more dirt...and-

"Elsa!" 

"God, what?! What the fuck do you want, Private Oni?!"

Private Oni, who wore light blue armor, was taken aback at Elsa's sudden outburst. "Okay first of all, it's Hikari Oni okay? We've been over this, say my full name or else I won't answer you. And second of all, don't blame me alright? You're the one with the fucking sniper rifle I can't see shit."

"I'm not calling you Hikari Oni. I don't call anyone else by their full names and I'm not gonna give you any special treatment."

Private Oni scoffed and pouted at Elsa's words.

"And besides, there's nothing interesting going on right now. Just two guys outside of Red base doing..."

"What are they doing?"

"Nothing. They're just walking around and talking."

"Walking and talking count as something." 

"Shut. Up."

Suddenly, both girls heard someone calling them from the ledge they were perched on.

"Hey, um...Elsa?! We're gonna need your help down here." said a soldier that wore purple armor.

"What is it now, Private Jordan?"

"Okay first of all, it's Private Hal Jordan. We've been over this. And second of all, just...come down here okay."

Elsa looked to her left and saw a certain private smiling at her, "See? It's not just me."

"Dammit, Private Oni just...let's get down there alright?"


	4. Episode 4

Episode 4: Meet the Blues Part 2

I'm bored and so I'm just churning out these episodes for the rest of the night. I did promise that Episode 2 was my last one I would post last night but I'm like, really bored right now.

"So...does anyone wanna let me know what I'm looking at here exactly?"

Elsa found herself staring at the other two privates under her command. One, who went by the name of Private Duck wore dark blue armor and looked sheepishly at his commanding officer. The other one was named Private Kinofpumps who was supposed to be wearing white armor. But here he stood in front of Elsa in jet black armor and his face was covered in what looked like soot. Behind the two soldiers stood what looked to be a thick metal door frame which had an ominous green glowing light fickering on and off in the center. Soot was also splashed all around the floor near the door frame.

Private Kinofpumps was the first to speak, "Umm...a failed science experiment?"

Elsa scowled at the both of them before , "Do I even want to know?"

Kinofpumps cleared his throat, "See, uh...me and Duck here found out the reason the teleporter wasn't working was because it wasn't wired correctly. So we fixed it right up to the best of our abilities and I volunteered to test it out."

Private Duck finally spoke up, "Well I mean I wouldn't really say you volunteered. I was going to do it if it didn't change the color of my armor. I like the color the way it is."

"Duck, what the hell are you talking about? You didn't say anything."

"Well yeah, you see I don't really trust anything that's glowing either. Or green. Or glowing and green."

"Just...shut the fuck up Duck."

Elsa finally spoke up, "Wait, do you guys know anything at all about fixing teleporters?"

Kinofpumps hesitated before answering, "Yes! Of course we do! We got it to work, didn't we?"

Elsa raised her eyebrow, "Did you?"

"Well I mean, yeah. Isn't it obvious? I mean sure there are some obvious side effects but I can guarantee you that it worked."

At that comment Elsa folded her arms across her chest and smirked, "Really now? Would you care to give me a little demonstration?"

"Err...uhh...that is..." Kinofpumps stammered.

"Yeah see we can't show you again because he broke it when he went through the thing." Duck finally replied.

"Dammit, Duck! I told you to shut up!"

Elsa sighed, "Just go get yourself cleaned up. Hopefully you'll be able to wash that color off your armor."

Kinofpumps made his way off the top of the base and Duck decided to tag along.

Elsa turned around to face the other two privates under her command who stood behind her, snickering at the entire ordeal that took place.

"Private Jordan, that wasn't important at all. Why the hell did you call me down here?"

"Private Hal Jordan. And I just wanted to see the look on your face when you saw what those two idiots were up to."

Elsa sighed, "Fuck me, I bet the Reds don't have to put up with this shit."


	5. Episode 5

Episode 5: Why The Hell Don't I Bold These Titles?

I should probably start linking to old episodes. I mean it's already on Episode 5. Anyway, now that we've introduced everybody (well at least the people on both teams) it's time to get on with the fic!

Private Spacecati walked up to Sergeant Anna who had her arms crossed and was looking, more like glaring, all the way across the canyon at blue base.

"Hey Sergeant Anna. I, uh...I just showed Private Cupcakes around and...what are you looking at?"

"You see that over there by Blue Base, Private Spacecati?"

Spacecati squinted to look over at Blue Base, all he saw was a few blue colored blobs and a black one that was slowly shrinking.

"I'm uh...not sure what I'm supposed to being here."

"They've got a soldier in black armor! You know what that means right?!"

"Umm...not really."

"It means they've got a specialist on their team! Don't you get it?! They're planning to attack us."

"I don't think that's-"

"Spacecati! Gather the troops! We need to radio HQ and get to them before they get to us!"

"That doesn't seem like such a good i-" Anna scowled at him before he could finish his sentence.

"Right away sir! I mean ma'am! I mean...I'll just go..."

"Good choice."

Back at Blue Base, Private Oni and Private Jordan were busy scrubbing off all of the soot near the teleporter.

"Why do we have to this again?" Hal Jordan complained.

"Because you're an idiot."

"What the fuck did I do?"

"You disturbed her while she was doing something important."

"Yeah sure, staring out at all that rocks and dirt and that one tree is so important. This is bullshit. And why the hell were you up there with her anyway when you had no reason to be?"

"Pssht. Like I want to deal with your guys' shit all the time. Besides, I learn a lot by being around her and it makes me look better in comparison."

"Yup, that's totally the only reason you're around her so much."

"What's that supposed to mean, asshole?!"

Hal Jordan smirked, "Oh I think you know exactly what it means."

Private Oni stood up off the floor, "Fuck this, have fun cleaning up the rest of the floor."

Private Jordan said nothing, instead he continued to laugh as she descended from the top of the base.


	6. Episode 6

Episode 6: Why can't everyone just get along?

This one's kinda short for reasons. The biggest one being that I wrote this technically at midnight.

Private Oni walked inside the base and was greeted by the sight of Elsa conversing with Kinofpumps and Duck.

"Yeah, the color's not gonna come off. I tried to scrub it off as hard as I could but...nothing."

Elsa felt exasperated, "Dammit Kinofpumps, black armor is reserved for specialists and soldiers who, well...don't suck. How the hell am I supposed to explain this to HQ?"

"Just tell them that it's Halloween!" Duck replied.

Kinofpumps stared at Duck, "It's June."

"Pssht! They won't know that."

Elsa groaned and rolled her eyes, "You know what, I'll just let you idiots sort it out. I'll go radio HQ and tell them about our little problem here."

As she turned to exit the base, Elsa finally noticed Hikari Oni standing near the doorway, "Have you been standing there this whole time?"

She was startled at her question, "Umm...define 'this whole time'."

"Where is Private Jordan?"

"Finishing up?"

Elsa sighed, "Whatever, I don't feel like dealing with this shit." and she walked out of the base.

Spacecati had finally gathered the rest of the troops in the armory, Anna never actually said to gather them in the armory but if they were supposedly going to attack Blue Base he assumed that this was where Anna would want to meet them.

Private Bubbles cleared his throat, "Why exactly are we here?"

Spacecati sighed, "Sergeant Anna will explain once we get here so, you know, just hang out for a little bit. For now, do you newbies have any questions about the base?"

Morino raised his hand, "Yeah I've got a question? How come your armor's pink."

Everyone looked at Private Cupcakes who tried to stammer out a response, "What?! Umm...that's...you see...there's a very good reason that...it's not pink!"

Private Bubbles spoke up, "Really? Because it looks pretty damn pink to me."

"Shut up, Bubbles. What kind of a name is Bubbles anyway?"

"What kind of a name is Cupcakes?!"

Morino tried to break up the ridiculous argument that was occurring, "Guys! Guys! Come on! Both of your names are equally as awful."

"What's that supposed to mean?!" 

This pointless bickering continued on for another minute until they heard a familiar voice echo throughout the room.

"Oh good! You're all here! Now we can get started."

The soldiers looked to see Sergeant Anna come into the room, she paced back and forth as she talked.

"Now I'm sure Private Spacecati has already informed you of the grave situation we're facing."

Before Spacecati could speak up, Morino exclaimed, "Actually he hasn't told us jack shit."

Anna stopped pacing and turned to look at Spacecati, "Private! I gave you one job! I told you to gather the troops and inform them of the situation!"

Spacecati was startled, "Well to be fair sir- ma'am! Those count as two jobs and you didn't really tell me to do the second one..."

"Dammit Spacecati!" Anna sighed before continuing, "It has come to my attention that those dirty Blues have a specialist in their mix, I fear that it is only a matter of time before they attack us so I feel like we should bring the fight to them! I will go radio HQ and tell them of this dire situation and see if they can send any help they can. But for now I want you to arm yourselves to the best of your abilities and get ready for a fight."

The soldiers looked around at all the weapons at their disposal and tried to choose carefully which weapons they would use.

"Oh and there's one more thing!" Anna said as she walked to a certain weapon in the armory, "Dibs on the shotgun."

And with that Anna walked out of the armory, shotgun in tow, and left the rest of her soldiers staring at the rest of the weapons.

Spacecati picked up a Battle Rifle and eyed it confusingly, "So, uh...do any of you know how to shoot a gun?"


	7. Episode 7

Episode 7: HQ

Two men sat in front of a console, their feet up and their mouths stuffed with doughnuts.

"Hey Cid?" the man on the left asked with his mouth still full.

"Yeah?"

"Why were we assigned to this station? I mean we barely get any calls except for that one a couple days ago when the commanding officer over there asked for more troops."

Cid sighed, "Just...don't question it alright? We've got a good thing going here. All we do is sit around and eat donuts and we get _paid _for it."

"Well yeah, but I mean why us specifically?"

Before Cid could answer they heard a ringing sound in front of them and a red light started to blink on and off. He looked to his partner, "It's your turn. I got the last one."

The other man sighed and picked up the phone, "You've reached Red Team Headquarters what do you need?"

A loud, angry feminine voice came from the other end, "Listen up...umm...who am I speaking to?"

The man sighed, "Just call me Wiggum."

"Well listen up Wiggum! I need you to tell all the head honchos over at HQ to send any help that you can! Those damn dirty Blues have a specialist on their team! Everyone knows that one specialist is equal to ten soldiers which means they've got fifteen soldiers on their side to our five! We need something to even the odds."

"Well...I guess we could send you, like, a Warthog or something."

"What's that? You know what I don't care! Just send it over here! How long will it take to get here?!"

Wiggum sighed, "I don't know like a week maybe?"

"Excellent! Now we can get to the Blues before they get to us!"

And with that the person on the other end hung up.

Wiggum reclined back in his chair and let out a long sigh.

Cid chuckled, "Well if it's any consolation she sounded pretty hot."

The door to their station opened and there stood a man in a slick, dark green military outfit. He smiled at the two men in front of the console, "How's it going in here?"

Cid turned his chair around, "Pretty good Boss."

The man frowned, "We've been over this. Call me The Supervisor."

"Nah, that's too long and it sounds stupid, I'll just call you Boss."

"You do realize I could demote you, right?"

Cid scoffed, "I'm pretty sure this is the lowest anyone could be demoted."

Wiggum turned around and pointed at Cid, "He's got a point."

The Supervisor sighed and put his face in his palm, "True. Just do your jobs alright? We need someone to watch over this station."

Both men turned back around as Cid replied, "Will do, Boss."

And with that The Supervisor left through the door he came from. Just as he left they heard a familiar ringing noise but this time a blue light flickered on and off.

Wiggum looked at Cid, "It's your turn."

Cid sighed and pressed the button next to the blue light, "You've reached Blue Team Headquarters, what do you want?"

Another feminine voice replied, this time less loud and demanding, "Yeah, uh...I just wanted to let you guys know that one of my soldiers, well...painted I guess, his armor black."

"Is he a specialist?"

"Well no, that's what I was going to tell you. He's not a specialist, he's just an idiot." 

"I see, well are you in need of a specialist?"

"What, that's not what I was saying at all."

"Do you want a specialist on your team?"

"No! Well I mean that would be great but I don't really need a-"

"Great! We'll send one to you guys in a week's time."

"What?! But-"

Cid pressed a button and the person on the other end had their sentence cut short.

Wiggum offered another doughnut to Cid which he grabbed immediately, setting his feet up on the console and reclining in his chair once again.

"I love this job."


	8. Episode 8

**Episode 8: Purple Isn't What You'd Call My Favorite Color**

"Son of a bitch!" Elsa cried out.

Hal Jordan, who had just walked behind Elsa, thought better of disturbing her when he heard that sudden outburst. He thought of retreating but as soon as he stepped back Elsa turned around to look at him, anger slowly subsiding from her face.

"What is it now, Private Jordan? I'm a bit busy right now."

"Busy with what?"

"Ugh. I gotta clear up some misconceptions over at HQ. But they hung up on me so now I have to call them back."

Elsa sighed before punching the number for HQ once again, "So what do you want?"

Hal Jordan inhaled sharply before speaking, "Yeah, see I wanted to talk to you about my armor color."

The phone began to ring, "Son of a bitch if they put me on speaker, wait what did you just say?"

"I don't like the color."

"What the fuck are you talking about you don't like the color?"

"Purple sucks. Could I color it green?"

Elsa turned around to look at Private Jordan, "What in god's name are you talking about?"

"Okay well maybe not green but maybe I could change it to like a blue green? Or maybe a turquoise?"

Before Elsa could reply she heard a monotonic voice come from the phone, _"You have reached the voicemal of the Blue Team Headquarters. If you'd like to leave a message please wait for the beeep."_

"Dammit."

"So...that's a yes then?"

"What?!"

"I can change the color of my armor?"

"How the hell did you get a 'Yes' from the word 'dammit'."

"_For Spanish, please press 2. For French, press 3. For any other language, press 4."_

"Oh my god I hate this so much. And no, you can't fucking change your armor color."

"Why the fuck not?! Kinofpumps got to change _his _armor color!"

"Okay first of all that was a complete and idiotic accident, second of all that's _exactly _why I don't want anymore armor changes and third of all you haven't exactly proven yourself to ask me for anything."

"_For technical help, press 8. For general help, press 9."_

"What the fuck does that even mean?!"

"Wait what are you talking about I haven't proven myself? Are you saying that if I prove myself to you that I can change the color of my armor?"

"_For settings, press 11."_

"There is no 11, you fucking whore!"

Elsa sighed as the voicemail continued, "Fine, you know what yes. If you want to change your armor color you're going to have to prove that you're worthy enough of doing so."

Private Jordan's eyes lit up, "Really?!"

"Yes! Now just...fuck off."

As Hal Jordan fucked off Elsa put her head in her palms and stayed in this position until she heard a beep.

"Oh thank fucking god. Yeah hi, we don't _need _a specialist so you don't have to-"

"_I'm sorry. This inbox is already full. Please wait and try again later."_


	9. Episode 9

**Episode 9: Training Day**

"Why are we doing this again?" asked Private Bubbles.

Morino readied his Assault Rifle,"Well we can't exactly attack the Blue Base without learning how to fire a gun now can we?"

"Well that's great and all but how come I have to be the target?"

Bubbles stood in front of the other three soldiers with a crudely drawn blue target on his chest piece, incredibly against everything that was happening right now.

"Well chances are they won't exactly be standing still."

"But why _me_?!"

"Relax, will you. We also need to learn how to _evade _any bullets that come flying past us. And besides, we're all going to take turns."

Private Cupcakes, who was wielding two pistols (one of them belonging to Bubbles), spoke up, "Wait what?! When did we agree to that?!"

"Just relax you big babies. I got the order all planned out. It's Bubbles, You, Spacecati...err...you again, Bubbles again, you a third time, Spacecati again, Bubbles again, Bubbles, you, Spacecati, Bubbles, Spacecati, you, Bubbles, you, Bubbles, Spacecati and then me!"

Private Spacecati eyed him, Battle Rifle in tow, "I notice you only listed yourself once."

"Well I mean someone's gotta tell you guys to ready, aim and fire. Which reminds me, ready?"

Private Bubbles shakily spoke up, "I'm not sure I'm okay with this."

"Just relax! It'll be over before you know it." said Cupcakes.

"Aim!"

All three soldiers aimed their respected weapons at a very frightened Private Bubbles.

"Err...someone made sure to put stun rounds in the magazines, right?" asked Spacecati.

"_Fire!" _

The sound of bullets being fired and high pitched screaming echoed across the canyon. The sound traveled over to Blue Base where Privates Kinofpumps and Duck sat outside, trying to see what the commotion is about.

"_Alright Private Cupcakes, you're up!"_

"_I changed my mind. This doesn't look fun at all."_

"_Just get the fuck over there!"_

Kinofpumps squinted to try and get a better view, "What the fuck is going on over there?!"

Duck shrugged, "Maybe they're celebrating the new year!"

Kinofpumps sighed and dropped his head, "We've already been over this. It's fucking June."

"Well I guess they're six months late! Or is it six months early? Hey how come they didn't invite us to the party?"

"I'm not even gonna answer that."

"_Son of a bitch! You shot me in the foot!"_

"_Oh quit crying, ya big baby!"_

"Holy crap are they shooting each other?! What the fuck?! We should probably go to tell Elsa this."

"Yeah...I wouldn't exactly go anywhere near her right now. She seems pretty pissed off."

Both soldiers turned around to see Private Jordan walking towards them. A Battle Rifle in one hand and a pistol in the other.

Kinofpumps scoffed, "When is she ever _not _pissed off?"

Hal Jordan pondered this for a second, "True. Anyway, Kinofpumps I'm gonna need your help."

Kinofpumps eyed him questionably, "With what?"

"Think you can get the teleporter working again?"

"Oh yeah, we can totally do that. We got it to work once right?"

"Yeah see here's the thing, can you get it to work without it somehow turning my armor black?"

"Probably not."

"Shut, up Duck."

Hal Jordan sighed, "Fine, I guess we're gonna walk to Red Base. I think there's a cave up ahead, we can probably sneak all the way through Red Base if we go through there."

"Wait Red Base? Why are we going there?"

"Are you guys going to the party?!"

"Duck, _shut up._"

Hal Jordan tossed Kinofpumps the pistol, "Elsa said if I proved myself to be a worthy soldier I could change the color of my armor."

"Wait, really? She seriously said that and didn't kick you out for asking the same question for like the millionth time."

"Yeah see if I ever changed the color of my armor I'd probably change it to something like red. Red always seemed like a nice color." Duck added.

"That's the color of the other team, dumbass."

"Anyway! I need you to come with me for backup." Hal Jordan said as he continued walking.

Kinofpumps reluctantly followed, "Duck stay here and...guard the base or something."

"Okay I'll just stay here and guard the base...alone...I miss them already."

As they got closer to the cave Kinofpumps finally asked, "What exactly are we going to do once we get there?"

Hal Jordan looked back and smirked, "We're gonna steal their flag."


	10. Episode 10

**Episode 10: Press E to call for a Medic**

"What in god's name are you idiots doing?!"

Anna figuratively towered over her soldiers, shotgun snug in her hands, and a shocked and furious look on her face.

Morino smiled, "Hey Sarge! We're just busy doing a little target practice to get ready for our assault on Blue Base!"

Private Cupcakes was in a fetal position on the ground, groaning and clutching his foot.

"What the hell happened to Private Cupcakes?!"

"My foot...my fucking foot..."

"Oh he's just being a big baby. Just do like CPR on him or something."

"Why would you give someone CPR for a bullet wound?" Private Bubbles added.

"Shut it, Bubbles. What do you know about being a medic?!"

"Well nothing but it just seems like common sense."

Anna groaned, "All of you just shut it. Spacecati, I want you to carry this mess back into base."

Private Spacecati raised an eyebrow, "You mean Cupcakes, ma'am?"

"Noooooo...I meant the bullets that you idiots wasted. I want you to pick them all up and make them be able to kill people again."

"Are...are you sure about that Sergeant Anna because-"

"Of course I meant Cupcakes, you idiot!"

She looked at Private Bubbles and Morino, "As for the both of you, I actually _do _want the both of you to pick up all these bullets and get them working again."

"How the hell are we supposed to do that?!" Morino asked.

"Think of something." Anna said as she began to walk away.

"Hey, um...Sergeant Anna, where am I supposed to put him?" Spacecati asked as he struggled to pick up the downed private.

Anna sighed, "Just put him near the flag I guess."

"Will do." Spacecati continued to try and lift up Cupcakes but to no avail.

Out of breath Spacecati just said, "Fuck it." and grabbed both of Private Cupcake's arms and dragged him back inside the base.

Morino sighed, "Well you heard Sarge, get to it."

"Me?! What are you going to do then?!" Cupcakes asked.

"Well I outrank you so I'm using my higher rank to do what it implies, delegation."

"Outrank me?! What the fuck we're both Privates."

"Yeah well I've been here longer than you have which makes me like a super duper Private. That totally outranks a measly private."

"I don't think that exists."

"Shut it, Bubbles. Before I demote you to a Negative Private."

On the other side of the canyon, Private Duck continued to look out at the nothingness, saying nothing.

"Duck, what are you doing out here alone?"

From behind him walked up Private Oni, "And what are you staring at anyway?"

Duck sighed, "I'm just staring at that one tree over there next to the cave that the other guys went off to. You ever wonder how that tree got there?"

Hikari Oni was puzzled, "Wait...what do you mean? Where did the others go? Did I miss something?"

"Yeah see me and Kinofpumps were talking and then we heard the Red Base having a party and then Hal Jordan came up to us and he talked about changing his armor color and then I was like 'I really like the color red' and then he-"

Hikari Oni sighed, "Could you just get to the point."

"-and so now they're heading to Red base to steal their flag. The end. So anyway about that tree..."

"Wait what?! Does Elsa know about this?!"

'Yeah, she was the one who told them to do it in first place."

"Really?!"

"That's what Hal Jordan said. So what do you think? Is that tree even real? Have you like ever seen it up close? I mean-"

Hikari Oni sighed, "I need to go speak to Elsa. You just go do...whatever you're doing."

"Alright I'll just stay here...again...alone...I miss all of them so much."

"I...haven't left yet."

Duck sniffled and his voice quivered, "I can still hear her voice. She was so young!"

Hikari Oni sighed once more and walked away.


	11. Episode 11

**Episode 11: Shitty Espionage**

Hal Jordan and Kinofpumps made their way out from the other side of the cave, the Red Base was very close now.

"Alright, time to sneak in and grab the flag." Hal Jordan said as he crouched down and started walking.

"Tell me again why I'm the one with the pistol."

"The leader of the mission always gets the best gun, duh." 

"Where the fuck did you hear that?" 

"Stop talking, we're here."

Both men had their backs on the wall near the entrance and slowly and quietly made their way inside. Once inside they navigated through the hallways and corridors until they made their way to the center of the base, the Red Flag stood proudly in the center.

Hal Jordan smiled and whispered, "There it is."

He handed Kinofpumps his rifle, "You're welcome. Now cover me while I go for the flag."

Slowly they made their way to the flag until Hal Jordan saw out of the corner of his eye a splash of pink to his right. He stopped the both of them abruptly, "Dude!" he shouted silently.

"What?!"

"They've got a _girl _on their team!"

Kinofpumps rolled his eyes, "So what? We've got two, now get going."

Hal Jordan begrudgingly continued towards the flag. He kept his eye on the pink armor, all he could see was a leg. The rest of the armor was covered by a wall he assumed the soldier was leaning on. He quietly made it to the flag. With shaky hands and his breath held in, he slowly took the flag out of its stand.

He smiled, "Come on, let's get out of here."

"_Hey Sergeant Anna? I think we should call a Medic or something. Cupcakes just passed out."_

"_We just called the base! What makes you think they'll...fine I'll go call them up. No soldier is dying on my watch."_

A worried expression made its on way to both of their faces and they hurriedly retreated from the Red Base. Once they were out of range from the base and back in the cave, they stopped running and tried to catch their breath.

"Dude," Hal Jordan panted, "that chick's name is Cupcakes."

"Yeah so?" Kinofpumps replied through labored breaths.

"That is so hot."

Kinofpumps rolled his eyes, "Let's just head back to base."

Back at Red Base, Sergeant Anna trudged back to the phone to radio HQ for the second time that day.

"If you put me on voicemail, I swear to god."

Luckily after three rings a man picked up on the other end, "You've reached the Red Base Headquarters what do you want?"

"Wiggum! I'm going to need you to send a Medic over here pronto!"

The voice on the end sighed, "Oh it's you again. Why do you need a Medic?"

"One of my soldiers has been shot in the foot!"

"How the hell did that happen?"

"Err...uhh...it was that damn Blue Team I tell you! That specialist of theirs has eyes like a hawk! Shot one of my soldiers right in the foot from the other side of the canyon!"

"Don't any of your other soldiers know basic first aid."

Anna pondered this question for a moment before shaking her head, "Wiggum, I don't even think they know second aid."

"That's not a thi- you know what? Fuck it, I'll send you guys a Medic. He should be there as soon as possible."

"Excellent! We'll try to keep him alive before then!"

And with that Anna hung up.

On the other end, Wiggum groaned as she hung up, "Alright, which Medic should we send them?"

Cid chuckled, "It's a bullet wound that's not even fatal! Just sic the new guy on them."

Wiggum leaned in from his chair and pressed a button, "Hey Harmy. Get your ass in here."

After about a minute or so a medic in white and red armor came into the station, "What is it?"

Cid and Wiggum turned around to face the medic. Cid smiled, "We need you to head over to the canyon and provide medical assistance. Some guy got shot in the foot. Probably self-inflicted."

"Just take the teleporter, it'll get you there faster." Wiggum added.

"Oh! Umm...okay. Wow, this is great! My first real job as a certified medic!" Harmy said excitedly. He stepped towards a metallic doorframe that was placed on a wall and turned it on. A glowing green light surrounded the inside of the frame as he stepped through.

When Harmy stepped through the teleporter the first thing Harmy noticed was that it was very quiet. As far as he could tell there was no one here.

"This looks like a canyon, alright. But where is everybody?"

He looked around and spotted a base that had red highlighted all around it. He decided to head towards it. Maybe there was someone there that could help him out.


	12. Episode 12

**Episode 12: Free Falling**

"Hurry up! We gotta get back to the base so I can get rid of this purple shit." Hal Jordan said. He clutched the flagpole eagerly, wanting to return to the base as soon as possible. The flag itself trailed behind him as well as Private Kinofpumps, who was trying to keep up with him.

"What's the rush? We'll get there eventually anyway."

"Pssht, yeah like I'm gonna spend another minute in this awful armor. Turquoise armor here I co-AAAAAAAAH! SON OF A BIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!"

His sentence was cut short as he fell through a hole in the cave that they must have missed on the way to the Red Base. He, along with the flag, were gone and Kinofpumps didn't hear anything that would indicate how far the fall was.

"Hal Jordan?! You okay? Hellooooo? If you're dead could you just like let me know or something?"

Kinofpumps continued to stare inside the deep, dark hole that he had fallen into. Finally he got back up and decided to walk to the base alone.

"Shit, how the fuck am I supposed to explain this?"

Elsa paced around the base, "That idiot. This isn't what I meant at all. Duck, did you even try to stop them?"

"Yeah see I was going to and then-"

"You know what, don't even finish that sentence." Elsa sighed and mumbled to herself, "First a specialist is coming and now this."

Hikari Oni, "I could go after them if you want?"

"No, the both of you stay here. I'll go after them. Those dumbasses, I'll be back."

Elsa walked out of the base, leaving Private Oni and Duck by themselves. Silence filled the room until Duck finally spoke.

"So about that tree."

"I will kill you, Duck."

Harmy had finally made his way to the Red Base where he heard a commotion going on inside, "Ah good! There's people here."

He navigated through the base and soon found three soldiers conversing. One in red armor, one in maroon, and another in yellow.

"Private Bubbles, where is Morino?" asked the soldier in red.

The yellow soldier, who was apparently named Bubbles, replied, "I don't know. We were picking up the bullets and then he just said 'Fuck it' and went to go take a nap somewhere."

"Well do you know where he went?"

"No idea."

The red soldier sighed and Harmy felt like this was a good time to introduce himself. He cleared his throat to get everyone's attention and the three soldiers turned to look at him.

"Umm hi? I was sent here to tend to a bullet wound?"

The red soldier smiled, "Aah! You must be the Medic! That was fast. Spacecati go lead him to Cupcakes."

"Right away, ma'am.' the maroon soldier said and led Harmy to the patient.

"How did you get here so fast anyway? We called you like thirty minutes ago." asked Spacecati.

"Oh, umm...I used the teleporter to get here."

"Teleporter? That thing's been busted for a long time."

"Well _your _teleporter might be broken, but the one over at HQ isn't. And what do you mean broken? I could look it over for you after I'm done if you want."

"That'd be great! Then it'll be much easier to get to the Blue Base and take them down."

"Woah woah, just so we're on the same page here...I don't actually condone violence. In fact I'm what you would call neutral...and a pacifist."

"Wait what? But then-" Spacecati stopped as he stared at an empty room with a flag stand in the center. On the far side of the room he could see a doorway and a foot covered in pink armor.

"Oh no. Oh shit. This is bad. This is _really _bad. I am soooooooo fucked."

"What? What's going on?"

"It's nothing. Just...Cupcakes is over there. The one in pink armor. I, uh...I gotta go."

Spacecati hurriedly fled the room, "Sergeant Anna! There's something you should see! And for the record it's totally not my fault!"

Harmy was confused for a second but shrugged it off. He made his way over to the patient and noticed that he was unconscious. At least he had hoped he was unconscious.

Harmy rubbed his hands together, "Alright then, let's get to work."

Meanwhile over at Blue Base Elsa had started to make her way to find Private Kinofpumps and Jordan.

"Those idiots. When I get my hands on them there'll be hell to pay."

She had made it back to the entrance but, before she could leave, she was stopped by a certain soldier in black armor.

"There you are! You've got some nerve going off without- wait...where's Private Jordan?"

Kinofpumps hesitated before speaking, "We've, uh...we've got a big problem here."


	13. Episode 13

**Episode 13: Early Arrivals**

Sergeant Anna stood near the empty flag stand. Eyes shut tight and her face twisted in irritation and confusion.

"So how the hell did this happen? Where in god's name is our flag?"

Private Spacecati put his hands up in mock surrender, "I have absolutely no idea and once again, for the record, I wasn't in charge of watching over the flag."

Morino rolled his eyes, "We're _all _in charge of looking after the flag, dumbass."

"Exactly! So, as punishment, you are going to search all around this base until you find it! Chances are one of you idiots took it out of its stand and completely forgot where you left it."

"Wait, why would _any of us_ take the flag in the first place? That sounds pretty stupid."added Private Bubbles.

"That's what I'm wondering! You know I'm starting to wonder if I trust any of you privates."

"Well I just got here so I know there's like no reason to trust me but-"

"Dammit, Private Bubbles! Shut your mouth! Now, all of you, go look for that damn flag."

The three soldiers almost all sighed simultaneously as they broke off to look for the flag. From one side of the room came Harmy the Medic, who began to walk towards Sergeant Anna.

"Well doc, any news? Is he gonna make it?"

Harmy blinked, "What? Of course he's gonna make it! It was a bullet to the foot! We don't live in the early 1900s anymore. Luckily the bullet went all the way through so all I had to do was patch up his foot. He'll be fine but he won't be walking for about a week. Also you may want to get something in his system. The reason he passed out was due to loss of blood."

"And probably cause he's a major wuss." Anna mumbled.

"Anyway, I heard from one of your other privates that a teleporter needed fixing? I could probably look at that before I go."

"You're a mechanic too?! That's excellent! If you can get the teleporter working then we can totally stick it to those damn dirty Blues."

"Yeah see, if I do this then you're probably gonna want to know that I'm completely neutral towards this fight. In fact, I'm a pacifist."

"A paciwhatnow? Isn't that the thing that babies suck on? Oh wait, no that's a pedophile."

"What?! No!" Harmy sighed, "You know what I'll just go look at that teleporter."

Things weren't going so well over at Blue Base either. Sergeant Elsa wore the same irritated and confused that Anna wore as she paced around the base once again.

"So let me get this straight. The both of you snuck over to the Red Base _without _my permission, stole their flag and then just as you were about to be home free Private Jordan fell through a bottomless pit in that cave near our base? Is that what you're telling me?"

Private Kinofpumps looked sheepish, he was putty under Elsa's gaze, "Err...yes?"

Elsa groaned as she walked up to a wall and started banging her forehead on it, "Why...the hell...do I have...to put up...with this shit?!"

"Umm Sergeant Elsa, I don't think you should really-" Hikari Oni's sentence was cut short by the sergeant, "_Not another word out of any of you right now, okay?!"_

Hikari Oni quickly shut up as Elsa continued to bang her head against the wall.

After a couple minutes of awkward silence, except for the sound of head meeting concrete and metal, Elsa finally sighed, "Here's what we're gonna do..."

She took a deep breath as her soldiers looked at her, waiting for her to continue.

She exhaled, "...absolutely nothing."

They stood there in absolute silence, not knowing how to react to their commanding officer's suggestion.

"Are...are you being serious?" Hikari Oni finally asked.

"I am being dead serious. I'm sure Private Jordan is perfectly capable of getting himself out of this situation. If he was able to get the red flag undetected and _almost _make it back here then I'm sure he'll be able to get himself out of this situation."

Duck sniffled, "Poor Hal, he must be so alone down there. I hope he finds someone to keep him company. Ooh! I could go down there and bring him some food! Or a comic book! I bet he'd love those."

Kinofpumps squinted, "Okay first of all no you're not sending him any of our food, second of all we don't have any comic books, and third of all how in god's name would you send him any of that shit anyway?"

"Ooh! Maybe we could make a ladder! We could use that tree out there for wood!"

Elsa sighed, "We're not gonna chop down a fucking tree just to make a ladder. What we _are _gonna do is sit tight and-" Elsa was cut short as a figure in full black armor from head to toe walked slowly into the base. The figure looked around the room as the other soldiers looked at him with shock and awe.

Elsa finally spoke up, "Well you're here early."

The figure looked towards Elsa and asked in a very deep and brooding voice, **"Are you the commanding officer here?"**

"Yes I am. I'm Sergeant Elsa. See I tried to tell HQ about this but we don't exactly need a-"

"**What do you need done?"**

"What, uh...what do you mean? Actually scratch that, what I'm trying to tell you is that we don't-"

The specialist looked behind him, **"Does the enemy reside in the base on the other side of this canyon?"**

"Well yes they do but..alright could you please just listen to me?! I'm trying to tell you that- wait where the hell are you going?"

The specialist walked back towards the entrance, **"Red base. Steal the flag. Kill everyone."**

"Goddamit, will you at least give us a name that we can call you?!"

The specialist stopped walking and turned his head to look at the soldiers, **"Just call me...Sloth."**


	14. Episode 14

**Episode 14: Sloth**

"Aaaaaaand it should be finished!" Harmy said.

"Excellent! Now to gather my men and form a plan of attack!" Sergeant Anna said with a renewed vigor and a glint in her eye that meant trouble for anyone not on her side.

"I'd just like to point once again that I'm a-"

"Nah, we don't need a plan of attack! Shoot first, ask questions later I always say! Those dirty Blues will cower in fear over my awesome might and working teleporter and my trusty shotgun!"

Harmy sighed, "You know what I should probably go check on Cupcakes and...what is that on your shoulder?"

"What? What are you talking about?"

Sergeant Anna looked on her shoulder and instead of the red piece of armor she was accustomed to she instead a glowing, blue ball.

"It's sizzling. Should that be happening?"

"Those dirty Blues must have planted this on me somehow! Quick, help me get this off! I'm not letting my precious armor be tainted by such a traitorous color!"

"Wait a second I know what that is it's a-"

Harmy was cut short by an explosion that sent him careening over the edge of the base and Sergeant Anna flying forward. From the smoke a black figure emerged, pistol in tow and he looked at the damage he had caused. He slowly made his way inside of the base.

Once he got inside he noticed two men standing over an empty flag stand, one in maroon and another in yellow, with their backs towards him.

"Alright well I give up. I can't find it anywhere!" said the soldier in maroon.

The specialist readied his pistol as he approached the two soldiers.

"Well I mean we could probably try looking outside?" the soldier in yellow asked.

The maroon soldier scoffed, "Really now? Why the hell would it be outside?! What do you expect it just walked right out of the-"

His sentence was cut short as he was knocked out from behind. The yellow soldier turned around and was greeted by a pistol aimed at his face.

On the other end of the pistol stood a soldier in black armor.

"**Where is it?"**

"Where, uh...where is what?" the yellow soldier stammered.

"**The flag! Where is it?!"**

"Well see, umm...the thing is I don't really know- Oof!" the yellow soldier's rambling caused him to receive a pistol whip to the right side of his face and he stumbled onto the floor.

"Fucking hell! Ahh god! That...that fucking _hurt_. Ahh shit, I hope I didn't lose a tooth."

"**Where! Is! The Flag!"**

"I don't know, okay?! We lost it! We lost our flag and we have no idea where it went! Now could you please stop pointing that gun at me?!"

The specialist lowered his gun, **"What the hell do you mean you **_**lost **_**your flag?!"**

"I don't know much about what happened either, okay? It was here and now it's not. I have no idea what's going on either I just got here a few days ago."

The specialist sighed, **"Well I can't exactly go back empty handed so I guess I'll just-Oof!"**

The specialist was knocked down by a force behind him. In his place stood an orange soldier with the butt of his rifle aimed at eye level.

"Booyah, bitch! Morino one, specialist zero!"

Private Bubbles got up, "Morino you just...knocked out a _specialist._"

"I know?! Isn't it awesome?! Alright now we gotta tie him up for questioning and shit."

"But...what about the others?"

"Pssht! I'm sure they'll wake up soon enough. Now come on help me pick him up and ahh shit he's getting up."

The specialist slowly rose but quickly turned around to look Private Morino in the eye.

"**pasfojbsfoajsfnmadasnmamsf."**

Morino was confused, "I'm sorry what was that?"

"**noawbjdabdkjaskdasmcmsxzma."**

"I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to say."

"I, uh...I think you made him retarded." Bubbles said.

The specialist stepped back and grabbed his helmet and the proceeded to take it off. Both soldiers expected to see a gruff, masculine man (maybe one with like muttonchops or something) due to the specialist's deep, demanding voice. But instead when the helmet came off they were greeted to...the exact opposite.

Morino's jaw dropped, "Holy shit you're a girl?!"

The specialist sighed and spoke in a surprisingly feminine voice, "Great. You broke my helmet, you assholes."


	15. Episode 15

**Episode 15: A Few Days Ago**

"Alright so which specialist should we send them."

Wiggum pressed a couple buttons and the monitor above the console lit up. Pictures of different soldiers, all wearing black armor, came up on the screen and both men stared at them.

The phone rang once again, a blue light blinked on and off.

Wiggum looked at Cid, "You gonna get that?"

"Nah, I'm sure it's nothing important. I'll just let it go straight to voicemail."

"Isn't your voicemail like...full or something?"

"What? No...it can't be. I've only let it go to voicemail like...ummm...so who should we send?"

"Hmm...they all look the same."

"Dude that's like...borderline racist."

"What because they all have black armor?"

"I never said that. You did."

Wiggum punched Cid in the arm, "Shut the fuck up and just choose one. You're the one that answered the call anyway."

Cid sighed and rubbed his arm, "Fine, geez."

He closed his eyes and started to hover a finger around the screen.

Wiggum looked at him, "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Look it doesn't really matter who I send them, does it? Whoever it is they'll get whatever job they need to do done."

"What _job_? You're only sending this specialist there because you're fucking bored."

"Ahh, I'm sure they'll find a use for them." His finger stopped hovering and he opened his eyes. "There! We'll send.." he moved his finger over a bit, "her!"

Wiggum looked to where he was pointing, "You sure about that?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well she's got a reputation for being a bit...brutal."

Cid rolled his eyes, "They're specialists. Of course they're fucking brutal."

"No but she's like...more brutal than the others. I heard that she once killed a man by beating him to death with his own skull."

"Okay first of all that doesn't even seem physical and second of all that story is fake. It's just a story they tell to the newbies so they pee their pants. I mean yeah she's a _bit _over the top but as far as I know she's never actually killed anyone. Anyway, I'm gonna call it in."

Cid pressed a couple buttons that were on the monitor and then leaned back in his chair.

"Wait...what do you mean by a _bit _over the top?" Wiggum asked.

"Well what I heard is that she got these custom grenades made just for her. Like when you press a button on them they get all blue and glowy."

"Your point?"

"I'm getting to it. See these grenades don't exactly kill people. They just stun them for like a long period of time. Like a few hours or so."

"I'm still not getting the point here."

Cid rolled his eyes, "My point is why make a special kind of knockout grenade or whatever if you could easily just do the job yourself?"

"So she's a bit dramatic, who cares? If you can take down a man with one hand tied behind your back I think you can act however you wanna act."

The door opened from behind them and they turned around to look at the person that just entered.

Cid smiled, "Well hey again, Boss!"

"Did you seriously just order one of _my _specialists to go on another mission without _telling _me?!"

"Oh yeah, that's right. Those specialists are like your babies or something. Your overgrown, super-soldier babies. Eh, I was sure you wouldn't mind so I just called it in."

The Supervisor was seething and responded through gritted teeth, "You don't have the right to do that kind of thing and you know it."

"Look I'm sure she'll be fine. They're all a bunch of idiots who haven't fired a single shot at each other and chances are they won't start now." Wiggum added.

"Shut it, Wiggum!" The Supervisor fired back, "I am so angry at the both of you right now! Now I can't demote either of you any lower than you are but..."

Both men looked at each other wondering what The Supervisor would do. Almost abruptly he walked right up to their console, "I'm taking your donuts. You're not allowed to bring any food at this station."

"Oh come on that is so unfair! I wasn't even the one that called it in!"

The Supervisor walked back out of the station but not before a few more parting words, "And clean up your mess!"

Both men turned back around to look at the console, pouting like a little kid who just got their toy taken away. Wiggum looked at Cid, "See now look at what you've done."

Cid sighed, "Just shut up and help me clean up this mess."


	16. Episode 16

**Episode 16: On The Other Side**

Elsa looked through the scope of her rifle, "Hmm...well he hasn't exactly come outside yet but I'm not worried. With the way he took down those two soldiers up there I'm sure he'll be fine."

She stood atop the cliff she had been perched on a few days ago, along with Duck and Hikari Oni.

"Hmm...that's odd."

"What is?" Hikari Oni asked.

"One of the soldiers she killed, their armor is red and _white. _Do we know anyone on Red Base that has red and white armor?"

Hikari Oni shrugged, "Not that I know of. Maybe he's a specialist."

"Nah, specialists only wear black armor."

"Maybe he's an anti-specialist!" Duck finally added.

"What does that even..." Elsa sighed, "Fuck it. Why don't you two go back down to base and do...something."

"Like what?" Hikari Oni asked.

"Ooh! We could play baseball!" Duck said.

"Why would we play baseball, Duck? Why would we _ever _play baseball on this boring ass canyon."

"Soccer?" 

Hikari Oni sighed, "Fuck it, I'm heading back down to base."

She descended the cliff with Duck close behind, "You never actually said no!"

"Goddamit Duck, just shut up!"

Elsa let a long and calming sigh. She was alone at last, maybe she could finally have some peace and quiet. With nothing else to do, she continued to look through her scope, even though she couldn't see anything important going on anyway.

"Sloth. Hmm...why does that name sound so familiar?"

Over at Red Base, Sloth continued to glare at Private Morino. His jaw still dropped as he looked over at Private Bubbles, jaw dropped as well.

Sloth sighed, "Well like I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, I can't exactly come back empty-handed so it looks like I'm taking one of you back with me."

Morino aimed his Assault Rifle at her, "Oh no you don't! I'm not gonna go down without a fight."

Sloth looked down at the barrel of the rifle aimed at her chest piece and slowly looked back up, "You better hope the first shot kills me."

Morino, with shaky hands, pulled the trigger...only to hear a clicking noise as he pulled it. He continued to pull the trigger but still no bullets came out.

"Shit...I, uh...I never actually learned how to reload."

Before he could say anything else the rifle was knocked out of his hands and the last thing he remembered was an elbow to the face before he blacked out.

Private Bubbles looked on with his jaw still dropped, "Umm..."

Sloth rubbed her elbow and turned around to look at the other private.

Bubbles raised his hands in surrender, "Hey, uh...maybe we could like work something out or whatever I mean you don't have to- Oof!"

The last thing he saw was a fist aimed directly at his face.

Sloth looked around at the bodies strew everywhere. She leaned back on the wall behind her and brought up a finger up to scan the bodies.

"Well it probably doesn't really matter who I choose, now does it?"

She got up from the wall and walked over to Bubble's unconscious body and easily hoisted him up over her shoulder as she made her way out of the base.

Elsa looked through her scope to see a soldier in black armor make their way out of Red Base, their face conveniently covered by yellow armor that was hoist over their shoulder.

"Son of a bitch. Guys, he did it!" she said back to her soldiers on the bottom of the cliff.

"Really?! That's awesome!"

"Who did what? Did Hal Jordan come out of the hole?! Ooh, I hope he liked the present I gave him!"

"What present? We've been standing here this whole time." 

"Guys shut up for a second. Wait, why is he bringing someone over from Red Base? What the hell what is he-"

Elsa stopped as the specialist turned around to reveal that she wasn't wearing a helmet. Elsa was so stunned she dropped her sniper rifle.

Now she knew why Sloth sounded so familiar.


	17. Episode 17

**Episode 17: Flashbacks And Stuff**

Elsa quickly made her way off the cliff with a more than slightly infuriated look on her face. It would've taken a bit of time for Sloth to make her way back to the base but she was being fueled by anger that caused her to get down from the cliff a lot faster than usual.

"What's the rush, Elsa. He'll get here when he gets here. We've clearly got the upper hand here so-"

Hikari Oni was cut off by a loud, "That _bitch!_" by Elsa.

Kinofpumps, who had just appeared from inside the base, spoke up, "Who's a bitch now?"

Elsa gestured up towards the cliff. "See for yourself." she said through gritted teeth.

All three soldiers looked up at the cliff but Hikari Oni was the first to notice. She made her way to the cliff and shouted, "Dibs on the sniper rifle!"

"Dammit! Second dibs!" Kinofpumps exclaimed as he followed her.

"Yeah, we still haven't played soccer you guys!" Duck cried out whilst following the other two.

Elsa shut her eyes tightly and clenched her fists just as tight, thinking back to a time before she was ever a Sergeant. To when she was still a private like them.

"_Ugh. Why do we have to do paperwork to become a specialist anyway?" Elsa said. Hunched over a mess of papers. To her left sat one of her friends who smiled at Elsa's misery._

"_Oh quit whining, Elsa. We already did the hard part, now we just gotta submit this in and we're golden."_

_Elsa smiled at her friend, "Sloth...you know only one of us is gonna get chosen."_

_Sloth sighed, "I know. But hey..." she stuck her hand out, "may the best woman win."_

_Elsa shook her hand, "Yes I will."_

_Sloth scoffed and playfully punched her friend's arm, "Alright well I'm gonna go turn in. Don't stay up too late, alright?"_

"_You're already done?!"_

"_Of course I am. Anyway like I said, don't stay up too late. You need to look all bright and ready for the selection tomorrow."_

_Elsa looked down at her paperwork and pouted. She had only finished one page out of many._

"_No promises."_

_Sloth chuckled, "Look, I'll make sure to wake you up if I'm up before you are."_

_Elsa smiled at her, "Promise?"_

"_Of course." and with that Sloth jumped onto her bed and, within a few minutes, was sound asleep._

_Elsa didn't finish her paperwork until an hour later. Partly because she kept dozing off while completing it. But she finished, put it back in the manila envelope with her name it and placed it next to to Sloth's. She got on her bed with a smile on her face because no matter what happened tomorrow would be a good day._

_A few hours later Elsa woke up, the sun shining on her face and the room incredibly quiet except for the passing conversations coming from soldiers outside her door. She slowly got up and the first thing she noticed that Sloth's bed was empty. She looked around and noticed that Sloth's manila envelope was gone as well. Elsa was confused and so she looked over at her clock to read the time._

_The clock read 9:50 AM._

"_SHIT!" Elsa sprang up from her bed, grabbed her envelope and raced out the door. The selection started half an hour ago. She had probably missed the opening speech and interviews but she was banking on that last sliver of hope. Maybe if she turned in her paperwork she would still be considered. Maybe. Maybe was all she had. She rounded corner after corner until she got to her destination._

_The first thing she saw was The Supervisor shaking Sloth's hand._

_Elsa's jaw dropped, "What the hell is this?!"_

_They turned around to look at an infuriated woman who looked like she had just gotten out of bed, manila envelope clutched tightly in her hand._

"_Ah, you must be Elsa! Aren't you a bit late?" The Supervisor asked._

_Tears started to form in Elsa's eyes, "Sloth, how could you?"_

_Sloth walked towards her friend, "Elsa I...I can explain, alright?! It's a lot more complicated than it looks!"_

"_You know what just save it!"_

"_But Elsa-"_

"_No! You know what I don't wanna hear it."_

_Elsa stormed out of the room, ripping her manila envelope into pieces and throwing them everywhere. She was crying for real now._

"_Elsa, wait!"_

_She drowned out her former friend's voice and kept walking._

"Holy shit, she's a _girl_?!"

The voice belonged to Kinofpumps who looked through the scope of Elsa's sniper rifle. Behind him stood a pouting Hikari Oni and Duck, who tried to squint and see what Kinofpumps was seeing.

"Wait what?! Let me see!" Hikari Oni tried to push Kinofpumps off of the sniper rifle.

"Hey watch it, will you? You might push me off this cliff!"

"That's the plan, jackass! Now let me see!"

"Wow, I am so hurt right now! Wait, where is Elsa going?"

Kinofpumps looked through the scope once again and saw Elsa walking quickly down the canyon towards Sloth.

On the ground, Elsa was still seething. Fists still clenched. The last time she saw Sloth she ran away from her. This time there would be no running away, this time she was running, well not running but walking really fast, _towards _her. She was blinded by the tears forming in her eye and she wiped them away. Soon she was close enough to see Sloth vividly.

Sloth, seeing Elsa walking towards her said, "Well I couldn't find the flag but I'm pretty sure a hostage is good enough to-"

Sloth said nothing else as Elsa's fist connected with her face.


	18. Episode 18

**Episode 18: I owe an explanation, don't I?**

"Holy shit!" Kinofpumps exclaimed.

He turned around to look at his comrades, Hikari Oni's jaw was as low as his.

She spoke up, "That was...fucking awesome!"

"What happened? Why is the specialist person taking a nap? I bet she's tired from his mission."

"Duck, what the hell were you looking at this whole time? Did you _not _ see our Sergeant just completely deck a specialist?!" Kinofpumps asked.

"No see I was busy looking at..."

Hikari Oni scowled, "You were looking at that tree again, weren't you?"

"See I was thinking we could probably make a house out of it. Like a little house we could go in whenever we get sad or we wanna take a nap or..."

Duck continued to ramble as Kinofpumps looked down the scope not wanting to miss a thing.

Hikari Oni pouted as she leaned down to get a better view, "Man, how come I never get to use the fucking sniper rifle?"

"Oh quit whining you can see just fine without it."

Elsa panted as she shook her hand around in order to get rid of the pain. She had put everything she had into that fist and it may have hurt her as much as it hurt Sloth.

Sloth fell to the floor, dropping Bubbles, and rubbed her cheek. She got up quickly and looked at Elsa with the same fiery rage Elsa had on her face.

"What the hell was that for?!"

Elsa grabbed her by the collar of her armor, "Really?! You have no idea why I just punched you in the goddamn face you backstabbing piece of shit!"

"What are you..." Sloth's eyes widened as she had a stunning realization "...Elsa?"

Elsa didn't say anything and instead pushed her away.

"Elsa I'm sorry I didn't know it was-"

"How could you completely forget what your former best friend looks like?! I mean I know it's been years but...you know what, fuck this. Just get out of here and leave us be."

Elsa turned to walk away but Sloth caught up to her and grabbed her arm, "Elsa please you have to listen to me."

Elsa ripped her arm away from Sloth's grasp,"Why should I?! Why should I listen to a word you say?!"

Sloth looked down and sighed, "Elsa I know that seeing me brings up a lot of bad memories but I _owe _you an explanation. Please let's just...let's get back to the base and I'll tell you everything!"

Elsa was still furious but she felt a very small bit of her anger subside. It was large enough that she was able to listen to reason once again. Her fists unclenched and she let out a long, painful sigh.

"Fine! But I'm warning you if I don't like your answer you get the fuck out of here _immediately_. Understand?!"

"I completely understand. Now come on, let's just head back to the base."

Elsa didn't say a word and walked back at an incredibly brisk pace, not wanting to hear Sloth say another word until they got back.

Sloth sighed and went back to pick up Bubbles.

"Okay I honestly cannot see a damn thing right now so what are they doing?" Hikari Oni asked.

Kinofpumps laughed, "Oh nothing, they're just making out."

"WHAT?!"

Kinofpumps laughed even harder, "I'm kidding! Actually it looks like they're heading back over here so we should probably get back down."

"...and we could plant even more trees and we could make the house even bigger and-"

"Duck!" Hikari Oni interrupted, "Come on we're heading back down."

"What? Oh, okay then." Duck followed Hikari Oni back down the cliff. With Kinofpumps trailing closely behind, sniper rifle in hand.


	19. Episode 19

**Episode 19: More Flashbacks and Stuff**

_Sloth rose from her bed, eager and bright-eyed. Today was the day! She looked over at the clock that read 8:30 AM and smiled. She was up early as always and stretched herself out. _

_She thought about waking up Elsa as she got herself ready but she decided to let her keep sleeping, who knows how long she had stayed up last night. Once she had gotten herself dressed for the selection she looked at the time._

_9:00 AM_

_Shit._

_20 minutes probably wasn't enough time to get ready but she would apologize to Elsa later. She walked up to Elsa's bed and went out to reach for her when she hear a knock at the door._

_Curious, Sloth went up to the door and opened it to reveal a man in a green military outfit with a glowing smile aimed at her._

"_Good morning, Sloth. Please come with me and I will lead you to the selection."  
_

_Sloth was confused and she looked back at Elsa who was still sleeping, "Umm, sure! But it doesn't start for another 20 minutes and I have to wake up my friend and-"_

"_Oh that's okay. Come on now just follow me! Make sure to grab your paperwork you wouldn't want to forget that."_

_Sloth attempted to close the door, "You know what I probably _should _wake up Elsa first so if you could just give us 20 minutes we'll be on our way."_

_The man grabbed the door before Sloth could completely closed it and slowly opened it back up, the warm smile on his face replaced with a terrifying scowl._

"_Listen to me Sloth. You come with me right now or I will find someone else to take the last spot in my Specialist Program."_

_Sloth blinked in confusion and tried to find any words to say. Instead she stammered out, "Uh...umm...what?"_

"_No time for an explanation. Just grab your paperwork and come with me."_

"_But..." before she said anything else she sighed._

_She made her way back to the desk where the manila envelopes lay. She looked over at Elsa, still sound asleep and shot her the most guilty and apologetic look she could muster. She grabbed her envelope and left out the door._

"_Excellent. Now come with me and we'll introduce you to the other specialists."_

"_Wait...who are you exactly?"_

_The man looked back but kept walking, "You can just call me The Supervisor."_

_Sloth was still confused at what exactly was going on. But if she was being told she had already been accepted then she didn't really feel like questioning it. But what about Elsa? Her best friend. They had been working so hard to become specialists and she wouldn't even get a chance to prove herself. And what about the others that had signed up to be specialists? Why weren't they going to get a chance to prove themselves? Why was she the only one?_

_The Supervisor opened a set of double doors and exclaimed, "Well here we are!"_

_Sloth looked around the room. It was dark. The only light being illuminated came from the center of the room where seven soldiers in black armor stood at attention. Looking straight ahead and never breaking their gaze with helmets clutched at their hip. She didn't know who any of them were, she'd never seen any specialist up close before, but she was in awe just looking at them. One of them had the strangest yet most impressive set of muttonchops that carried across his entire face._

"_Beautiful isn't it? Now here hand me your paperwork."_

"_Oh! Umm, yeah sure here you go."_

_Sloth handed The Supervisor her paperwork and he proceeded to rip it up._

"_Hey!"_

"_Oh these papers are just a formality. We have all your information on file already anyway. The only thing you have to do is shake my hand and you are officially a specialist."_

"_H-hold on a second. What exactly is going on here?! Why me?! What about everyone else that put all that time and effort to even be considered the spot that you're just _handing _to me? What about them?!"_

_The Supervisor stretched out his hand, "Oh that will be explained in due time. Now come on, shake my hand."_

_No! I want answers _now_!"_

_The scowl returned once again on The Supervisor's face. He dropped his hand and stared daggers into Sloth, "Let me make one thing clear. Either you shake my hand and accept or I will force you to."_

_Sloth was terrified and clutched her hands near her chest, "Wh-what do you mean?"_

"_If you don't accept then we'll just have to weed out the competition until you're the only candidate left. Then you'll be forced to accept the position. In fact, maybe we'll start with that precious friend of yours. What was her name again? Elsa?"_

_Sloth glared at him, "You wouldn't dare!"_

_The Supervisor stretched out his hand once again and matched Sloth's glare, "Shake my hand and I won't have to!"_

_Sloth continued to glare but she knew that it was a lost cause. With a heavy heart she shut her eyes tight, looked down, and reluctantly shook The Supervisor's hand._

_He smiled, "Welcome to the Specialists Program."_

_Sloth forced herself to look him in the eyes, "If you _ever _lay a single hand on her..."_

_The Supervisor's grip tightened, "You won't have to worry about that unless you step out of line."_

_She felt incredibly guilty. She didn't know exactly how she would explain this to Elsa but she'd have to find a way. Before she could say anything else she heard a voice and turned around to see her best friend with the most vivid look of shock and betrayal on her face._


	20. Episode 20

**Episode 20: Apology Accepted?**

Sloth sat on a bed inside of Blue Base looking apologetically up at Elsa who was staring down at her, arms crossed, in disdain.

The other soldiers were strewn out across the base. Hikari Oni and Duck were playing with a deck of cards that they somehow found, Kinofpumps was admiring the sniper rifle and all of its features, and Bubbles was still unconscious on a bed.

Sloth had just gotten done explaining herself and was waiting for an agonizingly long time waiting for Elsa's reply. The other soldiers didn't quite care about her explanation, as far as they were concerned this was business between Sloth and Elsa. But since they had no idea how to give anyone any privacy they stayed inside the base with them as they aired out their dirty laundry.

Finally, after a painfully long and awkward silence Elsa finally spoke up, "And you expect me to believe that?"

Sloth blinked, "I-I'm sorry?"

"You expect me to believe everything you just said? Because if you ask me that all seems a little far-fetched."

"Look I know it sounds ridiculous but you have to believe me. Everything I'm saying is the truth."

"How am I supposed to just accept that?!"

"I-" Sloth hesitated and looked down at her feet, "I don't know."

"I thought so." Elsa started to walk out of the base. "You have five minutes to get the hell out of here before I make you."

"Elsa wait!" Sloth went to grab her arm once again and this time Elsa didn't pull away.

Elsa stopped, she _did_ tell herself that she wouldn't run away this time. That she would hear Sloth out. She sighed and turned back out, "What?!"

"Elsa you know I wouldn't be trying this hard to regain your trust if what I'm saying isn't true. Elsa, I'm...I'm practically _begging_ for your forgiveness right now. I want us to go back to the way things were. Elsa we were so close. We can be like that again!"

She looked at Sloth. But the look wasn't full of anger or hate, no. She had a look of pity on her face. She turned back around and ripped her arm away from Sloth's hand and made her way back out of the base.

"Elsa, please!"

She didn't go out the door, though. She gripped a part of the doorframe and turned back to look at Sloth once again, "You don't have to leave the canyon."

Sloth breathed a sigh of relief, "Thank you Elsa, I-"

"But that doesn't mean you're welcome in my base."

Her eyes went wide at this statement, "Elsa what are you talking about?"

"I want you out of my base in five minutes. See if the Sergeant over at Red Base will let you stay there. Although I highly doubt it."

Sloth could feel her heart shattering into a million pieces at this news.

"And take that yellow guy with you!" Elsa shouted from outside of the base.

She couldn't move her legs, the news was so shocking that she had no idea how to react and just stood in that same spot.

"Aha! Two sixes. Go fish!" Duck exclaimed.

Hikari Oni sighed, "For the last fucking time Duck we're playing poker!"

Over at Red Base two soldiers began to stir from their unconscious state, Sergeant Anna and Harmy.

Sergeant Anna slowly got up and rubbed her head, "What the hell happened?! I feel like I just got knocked over my head with an anvil or something."

She heard a noise coming from the bottom of the base and looked down to investigate. A soldier in red and white armor was slowly getting up as well.

"Medic!" she said as she made her way down, "Do you have any idea what just happened to us."

Harmy rubbed his head, "I'm not entirely sure...I think we were attacked."

"Attacked?! No! Those damn Blues got to us before we got to them! I'm so ashamed, we were only in our planning stages and they were already in their attacking stages."

"I've seen those grenades before. They belonged to a specialist I've seen around HQ sometime."

"A _specialist_?! Dammit they siced their specialist on us before we could get our Warthog. Those slackers over at HQ! I'm gonna have to give them a stern talking to!"

"Sarge! Sarge, you okay?! I need to tell you something!"

The voice came from the base as Privates Morino and Spacecati hobbled out.

"Sarge, they got Bubbles! The Blues kidnapped Private Bubbles!" Private Morino cried out.

"What?! They took one of our men?! Those damn Blues have taken it one step too far! I bet they're the reason our flag is gone too!"

"Yeah, it's totally their fault." Spacecati said, "Does that mean I'm off the hook now?"

"Shut it, Spacecati! Now gather round we need a plan."

"Plan?!" Morino said, "We don't have time to come up with a _plan_. We have to go over to Red Base _now_!"

"Morino we're outnumbered and outgunned. We need to at least wait until our Warthog gets here before we're able to get our man back!"

Morino continued, "But Sarge we have no idea when _that's _gonna get here! It could take days! Or weeks! Or even-"

Morino's sentence was cut off as a large metal box landed on him from the sky. The word WARTHOG was painted on the side.

Harmy and Spacecati looked on with their jaws dropped at the scene they just witnessed.

Sergeant Anna had somehow kept a straight face, "Well shit."


	21. Episode 21

**Episode 21: Heavy Cargo**

How...are you not surprised by what just happened?" asked Sloth. They were the first words she had said after Elsa's declaration and they were aimed at the other soldiers in the room.

"You mean the whole thing with Elsa kicking you out of the base?" asked Kinofpumps, still admiring the rifle.

"No! The-" her voice hitched and she fought back the tears after hearing him say the words she didn't want to hear again, "-the whole thing about Elsa almost becoming a specialist."

He looked up from the rifle, "Well I mean we kinda always _knew _she was badass enough to be a sergeant so it doesn't really come as a shock to us that she was almost a specialist."

Sloth sighed and looked at the other two soldiers, "Do you guys have anything to say about this?"

"Hit me." said Duck.

"That's blackjack but sure I'd be happy to." replied Hikari Oni.

Seeing that she wasn't welcome here anymore Sloth picked up Bubbles and left the base, defeated and on the verge of tears.

Sergeant Anna pressed a few buttons on the door of the metal box that feel from the sky, the door opened revealing parts to what she assumed was a vehicle of some sorts.

"Aha! It's finally here! It's gonna take a bit of doing to set it up but once we get it working we're sure to take the Blue Team by surprise."

"But ma'am...what about Morino?" Spacecati asked.

Anna sighed, "Well I guess we're just going to have to assume that he's dead and that there's nothing we can do about it."

"But...shouldn't we tell HQ?"

"You're right, Spacecati! We _should _tell HQ."

"Right. We need to report a casualty and-"

"We should tell them about the travesty that is the Blue team being able to attack with their specialist before we could get our Warthog! Both of you get to work on building this Warthog while I go have a word with them."

"But I don't know how to build anything."

"Harmy does."

Harmy heard his name and stammered out, "What?! But I-that is...I don't...I can't build a Warthog."

"You did a good job fixing our teleporter. This should be a cakewalk. Now if you excuse me I'm gonna go have a word with those idiots over at HQ."

Sergeant Anna went back inside the base as the two soldiers conversed on how exactly they would build a warthog.

Once she got to the radio she punched in the number and waited for them to pick up. Finally after a few rings she heard a voice on the other end.

"You have reached Red base Headquarters how can I-"

"Wiggum!"

"Gah! Holy shit!"

"Explain yourself!"

"Explain...what?"

"Explain why the Blues were able to attack before we could even get our Warthog!"

There was silence on the other end, "Umm...good planning?"

"Not good enough!"

"Well what am I supposed to say, alright?! It's not my fault if she was able to get over there faster than we could send the Warthog to you!"

"Wait...what?!"

"What?"

"What do you mean by 'she was able to get here before our Warthog could be sent'?! What do you mean by _'she'_?!"

"Oh! Umm...I gotta go! Bye!"

"What, but-" her sentence was cut off as she heard a dial tone, "Goddamit!"

Anna stormed out of the base, angry and confused. What exactly did Wiggum mean? Was _another _specialist sent to Blue base?! That didn't seem exactly fair.

"Hmm...maybe I should ask for my _own _specialist. I didn't even know we could do that." Anna said to herself.

She finally reached the door to the outside of the base, wanting to see the progress Harmy and Spacecati made on the Warthog.

"I'm back and- what the hell did you guys build?!"


	22. Episode 22

**Episode 22: Flip the Switch**

Sergeant Anna stared in awe at the two soldiers who were busy working on...well...it wasn't a Warthog that's for sure.

Harmy and Spacecati looked back when they heard her voice. They were frozen in place, Harmy had a wrench in hand and Spacecati had the manual on how to actually make a Warthog.

Spacecati rubbed his head and laughed nervously, "Heeeeeeey there Sergeant Anna. We, uh...we ran into a bit of a problem here."

"Yeah I think we skipped a step or something." Harmy added.

"It looks like you skipped a lot of steps!" Anna exclaimed, "What the hell is that?! Is that-"

"Yes it is!" Spacecati said, "It is a fully, well, _almost _working almost functional...robot...cyborg...thing."

Behind them stood what seemed to be a soldier in brown armor. Except it had a helmet and lay perfectly still.

Anna walked up to it, "I just...I can't...how did you...explain yourselves!"

Both soldiers jumped at this sudden outburst and Spacecati spoke up, "I honestly don't know what happened! One minute we were making a car...thing and the next this happened!"

"Where are the wheels?!"

Harmy pointed towards somewhere off to the side where four wheels were stacked in twos, "We were gonna use them as chairs! Or something..."

"Why is he brown?! There weren't any brown parts in the box!"

Spacecati shrugged.

Anna groaned, "I was only gone for like five minutes! How the hell did you finish this in five minutes?!"

"Would you believe us if I said 'magic'?" Spacecati asked.

"I...I don't know what to believe right now."

"Then magic."

Anna sighed, "Can it _do _anything?"

She looked at Harmy who replied, "Well...not yet. But once I finish him up a bit all I need to do is flip a switch and he should be ready to go."

"Well what are you waiting for?! I wanna see what you two geniuses were able to do with parts that were somehow only supposed to be for a Warthog."

Harmy went to the back of the robot and opened up a panel. As he tampered with it Sergeant Anna walked back with Spacecati following her.

"Uh, sir- I mean, ma'am. Can I ask you something?"

"What?!"

"Umm...why a Warthog?"

Anna turned around to look at him and repeated, "What?!"

"Why is it called a Warthog? Is it because of the horns that were supposed to be on the front."

Anna sighed, "Sure."

"See when I looked at the manual it looked more like a cat."

"A what?"

"You know like one of those cats with the long horn things on the front. Like a puma."

Anna repeated herself again, "A what?"

"A puma! You know, one of those big cat things."

"Are you making up animals, Spacecati?"

"What?! No! They're a real thing."

"Doesn't sound like a real thing. How about we make up more animals, huh?! Doesn't that sound like fun?!"

Spacecati sighed and went to walk away, "Forget I said anything."

"Hey Spacecati!" Anna called out, "What's that Mexican monster creature thing called again? A chupathingy? What about that, is that good?"

"Hey guys! I think it's finished!" Harmy shouted towards the two.

"Great. Now let's see what the end result is of you idiots' experiment."

The two made their way back to Harmy who was still behind the robot.

"Alright flip the switch. I wanna see this thing come alive." Anna said.

Harmy looked at her, "Yeah, here's the thing. It was hard enough fitting everything together like this and I only found one place I could put the switch."

"Well where is it?"

Harmy grinned nervously and pointed downwards. Anna's eyes looked down towards where he was pointing.

"His stomach?"

"Lower."

"His...pelvis?"

"Lower than that."

Anna was confused. The only other place lower than that was...her eyes went wide and she stepped back. 

"Spacecati as your commanding officer I order you to flip the switch."

"What?! But I don't wanna do it!"

"That's an order! You two were the ones responsible for creating this thing and so one of you has got to flip the switch."

"Well why can't Harmy just-"

"Dibs on not flipping the switch!" Harmy said quickly.

"Fuck!" Spacecati rolled his eyes. "Fine..."

He slowly walked towards the robot and bent down. With shaky hands he reluctantly reached under the robot's crotch piece and flipped the switch.


	23. Episode 23

**Episode 23: Miguel**

Sergeant Elsa sat on her favorite cliff, her back on the rock behind her as she looked out towards the canyon. She tried not to look at Sloth, who was making her way to Red Base, but there was literally nothing else that caught her eye. She was no longer seething with anger but her face was cold and stern and it was obvious that she didn't exactly want to deal with anyone right now.

Hikari Oni obviously didn't get the message as she walked up to Elsa, "Hey Elsa, can...can we talk?"

"No." she said without missing a beat.

"Too bad." Hikari Oni said as she sat down next to Elsa, "Well you already know what I'm gonna say, so..."

"Do I?"

She sighed, "Yes. You do."

"I don't, actually. Care to enlighten me?"

"Stop being so goddamn stubborn, Elsa. I'm trying to help."

She looked at Hikari Oni with the same cold look she had for awhile, "Do I _look _like I need your help, right now?"

Hikari Oni was admittedly hurt but she didn't back down, "Look all I'm saying is that I think you were a bit too hard on Sloth."

Elsa scoffed, "You weren't there, alright? You have no idea what I've been through because of her."

"You're right, I don't know. But what I do know is that you wouldn't have given her the benefit of the doubt, and you wouldn't have kicked her out of this canyon, if you didn't still have at least a sliver of faith in her. If you didn't trust her even a little bit."

Elsa turned back at the canyon and noticed Sloth, making her way to the Red Base slower than when she had left it, "Where's Kinofpumps? Does he still have my sniper rifle."

Hikari Oni knew she was trying to change the subject but she still along with it, "Yeah, he does."

"Tell him to bring it back up here. Chances are he'll probably shoot himself with it and I don't want to lose another soldier."

"Right. We still need to find a way to get Hal Jordan out of that hole."

"Hmm? Oh, right. Private Jordan."

Hikari Oni made her way down the cliff with a smile on her face.

Spacecati reluctantly flipped the switch and they suddenly heard whirring and clicking coming from inside of the robot. Harmy made her way to Sergeant Anna's side and Spacecati stepped back. After a few seconds the robot was silent again until it finally spoke in a monotonous voice.

"Hej. Mitt namn är Miguel." (Hello. My name is Miguel.)

All three of the soldiers looked at the robot with incredibly confused looks on her face.

"You idiots. He doesn't even speak English." said Sergeant Anna.

"Oh wait! I think I understand some of the words he's saying! He's, uh...I think he's speaking Swedish." Spacecati said.

Sergeant Anna stared at him, "How in god's name do you know Swedish."

"I took it in high school for like three years."

"Your high school had a Swedish class?" Harmy asked.

"Don't...don't _all _high schools have Swedish classes?"

Anna and Harmy shook their heads.

"Well do you know what he just said?" asked Sergeant Anna.

"Hmm...it's been awhile...but I think he said his name was Miguel."

"Miguel."

"Yes."

"Ja." (Yes.)

"We have a Swedish robot named...Miguel."

"Yes."

"Ja." (Yes.)

Sergeant Anna pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a long sigh, "I don't believe what I'm seeing here. I'm...I'm done."

She walked away, leaving Harmy and Spacecati to find out what to do with the robot.

"So...what can you _do_ exactly?" Harmy and asked.

"Jag kommer att göra vad du begär av mig." (I will do whatever you ask of me.)

"I, uh...I think he said something about doing our laundry."

"Vad?" (What?)

Harmy was confused, "Laundry? We wear the same piece of armor every day."

"Det verkar otroligt ohälsosamma." (That seems incredibly unsanitary.)

"He said he'd also fix our teleporter."

"Det är inte vad jag sa alls." (That's not what I said at all.)

"But...I already fixed your teleporter." said Harmy.

"Jag menar jag skulle förmodligen hjälpa dig att fixa din teleporter, men ..." (I mean I would probably fix your teleporter but...)

"He said you didn't do a good job."

Harmy gasped, "I did the best I could alright?!"

"Hur länge har det varit sedan du tog svenska igen?" (How long has it been since you took Swedish again?)

"No, Miguel. We actually need you for something more important."

"Jag redan ångrar görs." (I already regret being made.)

"We need you to lift up this box so we can...retrieve Morino's body."

Miguel sighed, or at least made a monotonous sound that resembled a sigh, and walked towards the box he came in.

"Idioter." (Idiots.)

"He says thank you." Spacecati said as he looked at Harmy.

"You sure? Because it sounded like he called us idiots."

"No...no...he said thank you."


End file.
